On August 21, 2023 Jocelyn Tyson, a 42-year-old pharmacist was announced as the champion in the largest speech contest globally, the Toastmasters World Championship of Pubilc Speaking. After watching her powerful motivational speech titled "Have You Been There?", I knew I had to hear HerStory and it did not disappoint. This is HerStory Revealed with Jocelyn Tyson.
HerStoryMag: Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity! You are a force and I know every HerStorian reading will agree. Let's jump right in. Where are you from?
Jocelyn: You are very welcome. I grew up in Willingboro, New Jersey. It is right over the bridge from Philadelphia. But I’m a South Jersey native.
HerStoryMag: What was your home dynamic?
Jocelyn: I grew up with my two parents and a younger brother.
HerStoryMag: What kind of kid were you?
Jocelyn: I have always been an extrovert. I can navigate between people and communicate well. I was involved with extracurricular activities, music, and community service organizations. I excelled academically. I had positive influences within my family and my friend groups. One of my friend groups was interested in medicine. So, I decided to pursue that and went into the field of pharmacy in college.
HerStoryMag: So, you have always been a communicator. Why do you feel you have been one that communicates well?
Jocelyn: Because I listen attentively. When I listen to people and can pickup subtle nonverbal cues, I am able to navigate and collaborate better with people. Having the privilege of being involved in music gave me the ability to get out, talk to people, and being out in front of people without being so nervous.
HerStoryMag: So, when you say music. What kind of music?
Jocelyn: I sang in church. I was a member of the concert and jazz band. I performed different aspects of music.
HerStoryMag: How did you get involved in music?
Jocelyn: I got involved with music because of my father. He was big into music. For him, my brother and I were going to have those extracurricular activities, we were going to be busy, and it came down to music. My father would trek me and my brother off to Philadelphia’s Settlement Music School. Gosh, we started early. I was in elementary school when I started my journey into music. It helps you also learn how to function within a group because we all play different sounds together. You need to hear the music -- hear the tones, hear the nuances and the differences. I must admit that music has had a significant impact on me which is attributed to my father and him wanting us to have the same type of music appreciation and experience.
HerStoryMag: How has music impacted your life?
Jocelyn: Music allows you to embrace creativity and to be open-minded about different things --- the artistic side, the people, the softness, the beauty, amid other things. So, music opened that up for me. Of course, playing music is like being a presenter. If you are in front of people giving presentations at work or having to be center stage, music gives you the ability to transfer that same energy.
HerStoryMag: Yes, I agree. I listen to various kinds of music all the time. Depends on how I am feeling, you know? It allows me to feel what I am going through at the time. Music is powerful.
Jocelyn: Yes. You can put on a song after a breakup that has you in your feelings. Or another song can get you pumped up as if to say, “Come on you got to run one more mile!” and push it. It can inspire and get you through difficulties. I am very appreciative of having music within my life at an early age because I could then transfer the skills as I got older. So, it has been impactful.
HerStoryMag: Talk to me about the transition because you say you moved from one place to the other, from New Jersey to Baltimore. What happened?
Jocelyn: I was approaching a milestone birthday. I was hitting my forties, and I was not happy with what I had been doing for the past 10 years. Do not get me wrong, in my twenties, girl, you wouldn’t want to get in the ring with Tyson. I was knocking it out. I felt that no matter what happened, I was going to knock it out and knock it off my list. I wanted to earn a doctorate. I was doing that. I wanted to buy a home. I was doing that. I wanted to pay off student loans and attack my debts, doing it.
Eventually, I wanted to take a pause. Just give me a minute, let me take a breather. And before I knew it, my "breather" lasted almost 10 years. I was not pushing in the pursuits as I had before. In my twenties, the sky was the limit. By the thirties, I started coasting far away from what I envisioned. For my 40th milestone birthday, I was thinking to myself, what am I going to do? How can I push myself? How can I get myself out of this rut? How can I get unstuck? I cannot have this next decade look like the last one. I refused. I asked myself, where do I start? I decided to start with the thing that takes the most time out of my day --- the job. Let us be real with ourselves. Sometimes, the job can take more time than people even realize. You sleep, you wake up, you go to work in a cyclical fashion and that becomes part of the rut. I thought, what am I doing?
I wanted a job where I had the opportunity to give more presentations because that is a strength. I knew who I was. I had something in me that gave me the ability to connect with people. I could present, but I wanted to be more dynamic and engaging. I wanted my dream job but didn’t know how to get it? I thought, “if you build it, they will come”. Sometimes you must build what you want to be before you can become what you want.
My first step was to investigate public speaking and to finesse that into the foundation of my future self. I soon discovered Toastmasters International. I began to build by utilizing the network within Toastmasters. I locked in to developing myself as a public speaker. I took on Toastmasters leadership roles while interviewing for jobs. I began growing as a public speaker. I began growing my network. I started practicing for interviews within my club. I leveraged the ability to work and develop leadership skills within Toastmasters. When the opportunity arrives, I will be ready. Developing communication skills also empowered me to step out and start to engage with my community and to educate them about vaccines, medications, and wellness. This is exactly what I have always wanted to do. I had interview after interview before I finally received an offer. The company offered me a job and they offered to move me which has been life-changing.
HerStoryMag: So, I want to go deeper because there is a lot to unpack here. Why were you so certain in your twenties?
Jocelyn: I was determined. I was ambitious. I was resilient because I had a few academic moments where I fell and had to get back up. I was not going to let failure, or anything stop what I knew I could achieve. I was optimistic. I was ready and I wanted to get out there and try anything interesting. My self talk in my twenties would be, “So what if you cannot see to the bottom...jump!” And, in my thirties that changed. It became “You cannot see the bottom, just sit here and maybe it will clear up. Do not jump yet.” My thirties told me it is not safe.
HerStoryMag: Did you experience any failures in your 20's?
Jocelyn: I failed out of pharmacy school. I got back into the program the next semester. I felt that getting it wrong again would be seen as a failure. Failure is all they will know about me. That was when my focus shifted to “what is the safest option?” I did not want to fail again. I did not want to be embarrassed. When I reflect, it was embarrassing but for whom? I questioned, who is judging you? Who is seeing this misstep? Only yourself! The problem is that we put the limit on ourselves; we hold ourselves back. I applaud entrepreneurs who saw a vision and stepped out to achieve it. I recognize and applaud their story. My story is different. My story is laced with a little fear, trepidation, uncertainty and “I am not sure”. I have learned to give grace and forgiveness to myself because I had to learn differently.
HerStoryMag: That is the foundation of The HerStory Mag! I am a big believer in the power of words and meanings. But what has changed my life the most is understanding that the meanings are not one size fits all. You mentioned one thing that happened in your twenties to change your perspective going into your thirties was you failing Pharmacy School. What is your definition of failure?
Jocelyn: I have self-perception of what my potential is and if I did not make that mark of where I thought it needed to be, then I believed that was failure.
HerStoryMag: I never even thought about it like that. So, talk to me about your thirties, what was going to make you fearful of making that jump? Why did you decide to play it safe?
Jocelyn: I experienced heartbreak. When the relationship that I thought was going to work out, did not, I got into my feelings and become scared to be vulnerable. I decided to shelf the relationships and allowed myself to somehow keep going. Don’t get me wrong, I went out and I enjoyed my thirties with my friends, but my focus and determination were a little bit different. I had a plan of what I was going to do but it never manifested. I got complacent. I was grateful for my position at work, but it was not what I wanted to do long-term. I am not the only one that gets stuck in these ruts, right? That is the part that I know I want to share with someone else. If you are stuck in a rut, whether it has been 1 year or 12 years, you can break free; there is no time limit. You did not have to venture out in your twenties to start your business or whatever you desired to do. At any age, you can step out and figure it out. There is no time limit on your success or your dreams. There is no time limit on when you can decide to go ahead and jump. But just go ahead and do it.
HerStoryMag: Do you think there is a difference between complacency and settling or do you think they are the same?
Jocelyn: They are close. I feel if you can say to yourself, “This is good enough,” you are complacent. But if you’re saying to yourself “This is NOT good enough, but I’ll take it”, you are settling. Complacency is acceptable; whereas, with settling, you know you need more. And that more needs to be the push to get moving. I cannot stay here. And if I fail, I am willing to take that leap. I am willing to jump in, darkness and all. I do not see the bottom and that is ok because I sat here too long waiting for it to clear up and it never did. So, I am going to jump now.
HerStoryMag: A lot of women are going to read this interview and after hearing your story ask themselves how do I know I am stuck in a rut? Can you give me some things a woman might not even realize about herself that could reveal that she is in a rut?
Jocelyn: A cycle of sameness. A cycle of no growth. Just staying in a pattern of one activity after the other without building it, without moving it, or without shifting it up. For me, it was being in the same spot. I was going to the same job, not moving, not elevating. The activities that I was doing, …I was not growing even in those. My ideas were not developing. I was not pushing myself to do any type of advancement within my personal life. I was going on trips to escape my normal surroundings. I would laugh with my friends but when they left, I was in tears. I got busy with work because I did not want to face that I was still stuck. I was stuck on the couch of complacency. I was just surviving in this life not thriving in this space. I had to learn to stop giving primary time to secondary things.
HerStoryMag: Powerful. How do I separate the two?
Jocelyn: If your family is your primary, do not let the drama of other things come between your family time. If your job is your primary, then you need to make sure you focus on that to give it the primary time it needs to thrive. Whatever your dream or whatever you are pushing yourself to make happen, give it the time that it is due. It is primary, give it primary time. I had to turn around and make my dream of pushing myself and taking that leap my primary time. You still have your secondary things but give them secondary time. That is how things started shifting for me. I started putting in the right time to start to develop. I decided Jocelyn in her forties is going to be a different woman. Jocelyn’s forties is going to be the best decade ever!
HerStoryMag: You are strong, independent, and successful, but you are still navigating the things that life has taught. One is that the world tells us to be whole, we must have a husband and family. You are a single woman with no children; how does that affect you and all that God has blessed you with? How do you deal with it?
Jocelyn: I would be lying if I said it was not a struggle. But I’m beginning to realize that things can be different. I do believe some people are happiest when they are together. And I believe that because I continue to have the desire for a family. I believe it’s on its way. I do not know how my future is going to look but I continue to pray about it, and I know that in the end it may be different than what I expected. But I am open, and I am okay with that. We need to be open and more flexible when it comes to life’s journey.
HerStoryMag: How do you protect your mind in seasons of dating or loneliness?
Jocelyn: I am a woman of faith. So, holding on to those words that everything works for the good, remaining and mindful of where I am, and understanding that this is just a season. It does not mean it is a no, it can be a “not yet.”
HerStoryMag: How do you define love?
Jocelyn: Love is respect. Love is listening. Love does not always mean you are going to get along. Love means that there's laughter, friendship, and there is a connection. There is a softness between the two. Love is a quiet thing. It cannot be defined so easily. But love is a special thing and I think those that find it truly need to value what they have. Do not take it for granted because so many people would give their right arm to have just a little piece of what they have.
HerStoryMag: How do you nurture your peace?
Jocelyn: Physical fitness is important to me. I think we should make sure that we are leaning into what calms the mind. What can center you? What can get you back to yourself? Setting aside time for self-care is critical to managing those stressful moments.
HerStoryMag: So, if no one ever tells you, again, that you are enough, how do you know you are?
Jocelyn: I redefined what enough is for me. Verbal affirmation from other people is great and all, but it needs to be within me. It was a struggle. But I think once I got to that place of “I am enough for me”, I did not have to fix myself or change to fit or conform to whatever someone else wanted me to be.
HerStoryMag: That is amazing. And I am so glad that women get to hear that because you do have to define it for yourself. What is your superpower?
Jocelyn: I would say resilience. Yeah, I keep coming back. I learned that your life will take a couple of hits. But, If I have breath in my lungs, I can get back up and I will find a way.
HerStoryMag: How important is it for a woman to know how to communicate?
Jocelyn: It is pivotal. We are often judged before we open our mouths. You begin to help people see who you are by the words you use and how you communicate. How do you navigate with the people around you? How do you handle confrontations? How do you handle disagreement? How do you manage when you do not agree completely with someone, are you still respectful? So, it is especially important that women communicate well.
HerStoryMag: How does communicating well give us power?
Jocelyn: I think it can elevate you to be seen as an equal and to show what lies within. Women need to recognize that there's power in our voices. I can be feminine, but I can still be strong.
HerStoryMag: What is something that is happening that is breaking your heart around you?
Jocelyn: I am in the city of Baltimore, and I think that our city has so much potential. But I see that within my culture sometimes we are not tapping into that potential. We get caught in focusing on the wrong things and miss the opportunities to step into our own greatness as Black people and people of color in our city.
HerStoryMag: What is making you happy right now?
Jocelyn: It was moving here in September. I had to move quickly and even though it was chaotic and crazy, there was a certain level of excitement because here I am. I jumped and I did not fall. That feeling of doing it gave me so much life and energy.
HerStoryMag: At the end of every interview, I always ask every woman to answer the same question. To help leave your impression on every reader, in hopes that they will be able to identify their purpose through yours, please answer the question Who Am I?
Jocelyn: I am a woman who is resilient, determined, and aware of who she is and who she is not. I am unapologetically me, and I am patient, and I am kind to myself.
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